Posts Tagged ‘want’


Hey guys and girls, a slight rant or waffle if you will.

I start my days waking up and eating breakfast, showering and brushing my teeth, grooming and putting on products to make me smell nice, get dressed and then that is where your day and mine split. You go to work, I sit at home and switch on the computer. I load up the 15 or so sites for job hunting and I think of new and interesting ways to fill in application forms.

This is my second month of doing this now and I can honestly say that I have come very close to being homeless as I have accidentally spent more money on travel that I was meant to, that is if I have any money in the first place for travel. “Ummm the job center pay for travel you dickhead!” – Thank you random person that will no doubt not read my whole post but comment anyway. Yes they will pay for it, unless you cannot provide proof, or they don’t feel like it or they are having a bad day or they don’t remember to put it through the damn system. To put this into context I have the following make up this month;

£30 over draft, £25 phone bill, £323 rent.

Incoming is £134 twice in a month and £158 once.

dolestreet_1713190cSo take away that from that and you get £49. I have also rounded things up to make it easier. Now £49 for a month of food, toiletries, travel, any new items I should require, for instance new shoes for interviews, shirts, ties, you get the idea. In a world where a loaf of bread can be over £1 to buy I find myself on a diet primarily made up of pasta and something tinned, a diet that makes my body feel lack luster and dull. A body need fresh fruit and veg to function at it’s highest and it is RIGHT NOW I need to be on my “A” game. I’m all up for reducing money from not working, think it’s a good idea but they need to balance it a little. The money situation is now hindering me finding work, which in turn will probably mean I have to sponge off the state for longer, so the reduction in out of work income, in my instance, is useless as I will be taking from the state about as much as I would have been before the changes but now just over a longer time.

There are 100 jobs and 1000 people for each one looking down this way at the moment. Not so much Cardiff but Newport and Bridgend are both doing badly and they are either side of Cardiff and the competition is eminence. Cardiff is become saturated as is Bristol. I am having to look further a field to find work, which is fine, however when you consider that the closest city to me is Cardiff and is around a 8-15 mins train ride away and costs around £6 to get to and back from every single time I want to go there, it kinda makes a longer trip to a further away location either impossible or a toss up between food buying and an interview.

Ok. I get that “As of Q1 2013 UK government debt amounted to £1,377 billion, or 88.1% of total GDP” and that is bad. But you can’t make money, or in this instance get people back to work by simply making people poor. It makes it harder.Nillionaire someone having little to no money

Plus they made the changes for money in one go. so instead of gradually doing it over a year or 6 months so people flowed into work, they said HEY, 3 million people you won’t have enough money to live on unless you find work from……..

NOW GO GO GO. What the fuck did they expect?

My final ranty bit has to do with an E-mail I got yesterday from Mc Donalds. It was an email saying that I was unsuccessful in my attempt to work at one of their stores. I have a feeling it is to do with my age as the application form is not particularly taxing, with multi-choice answers for questions being presented, most of which are something along the lines of;

If an employee said something that offended you, would you, A) Beat the shit out of them. B) Put their face in the fry station or C) try and talk to them or your manager and see if something can be sorted out.

I feel that being in my 30’s now and looking for any type of job does have it’s downsides. I have traveled the world with the British Armed Forces, I’ve been back packing across Europe I’ve lived in Paris, I’ve been called all the names under the sun and I have made my mistakes. So as an employer you can expect someone of my age and up to call bullshit out. If something is wrong we will bring it up, bring it up in a polite and proper way, be that going to the manager to tell them of a leak or asking someone not to repeat something again as it is not appropriate for work etc etc. There lies the problem, they don’t want that, managers don’t want more work, they would rather employ an 18 year old who knows nothing of their rights, nothing of what is really right and wrong and will simply walk away if fired for no reason. I and many others of my “age bracket” and above simply could not and would not tolerate that.

6-things-to-consider-when-you-have-to-cut-back120412_0So to sumerise I feel that I am being put into a tared group of people that does not want to work, I want to work and I actively do everything in my power to do so, but in reality I have to pick and choose which interviews I go to some days, or ring them up and try and change the date and time to a day I am already in that city, mostly this results in me no longer being offered the interview as I am already kicking up a fuss about something that should be easy to do, a view that is sensible and reasonable but yet is something that is sometimes out of my reach to accomplish. Why employ someone when they can’t even travel 15 mins down the road on a given day? Will that person even be able to make it to work for the first month of employment? How reliable is this person if he/she cannot even commit to a simple interview without wanting to change the date and/or time.

I fully expect to not have that bottle of wine in the fridge, to eat cheaper food and to commit my days to filling in forms but when the current infrastructure put in place by the government hinders that, I can only see a prolonged usage of benefits. This money could well be spent on other things in our country, if not in employment or growth but in education, the NHS, maybe even employing someone with the balls to tell the US, “You know what? we are not joining you in this war, costs too much for no return”.

Anyway rant over of a very annoyed and increasingly stressed Phil.



So hello once again one and all.  I do apologise to anyone who has been waiting on an update after my rather brash, bold and altogether awesome news filled update a few weeks past.  I have not died or become depressed I simply have not had time to write and when I have had time the internet was not working, that is justthe way of things I guess 🙂

Anyway I am here now and I have a few hours spare on this sunny Sunday afternoon. The gentle warm summer breeze lapping at me through the window to my right and a house devoid of life. No sounds, no shouting, no cooking, mashing, smashing, washing, drying, no TV no music just me, the sound of a summers day and the clippaty calpaty  of the keyboard 🙂

So the job with food is unfortunately a no go. No no please hold off from the sad faces just yet, as I did actually get it. Later on the same day as writing my previous blog post I was offered the job but as with all things (like buses) you wait for one forever and a day then two come at once.  I was given the opportunity  to go on a two week interview course for a company called Serco, a public services company that is expanding through the internet and requires more people.  SO my options at this point were;

Accept the job with cafe at only 24 – 30 hours a week with no progression, which is however very close and in walking distance and is something I like to do, know how to do and am good at,


Throw all caution to the wind and go on a 2 week interview course, attend a phone interview at the end then if I get through head to the capitol for another interview and if I get through THEN start 5 weeks training.  Spend around £1000 a year on getting back and forth to work BUT have huge progression possibilities and a contracted 40 hours a week.

Now I could not attend the course and work in the cafe; also the option to hold off on the cafe job until this other job with Serco was either a yes or no was unavailable so I had to make a choice, I had to do it by the next day at 9am and so I went home. Home to relax, put my feet up and scribble out some ideas, some needs, some prospects, a nice quiet and peaceful place of my own, of course this was the very night my house mates decided a party until 3 am was the best course of action (for them). However after much thought through gritted teeth, loud music and people having sex on the lawn I came to my conclusion…….

So sat in the house that night with the floorboards vibrating, the sound of screaming, shouting, giggles, glasses smashing, the fridge and freezer door being slammed shut every few mins, the distinct droan of shit dance music plus the horrid retching sound of the one that always drinks too much I realised that I had to go for the Serco job, had to earn sensible, good money and do it in a timely manner as staying in this box room for much longer was going to lead to murder and being in a smaller, more confined room called a cell 😛

So the next day after having gingerly told the cafe manager that I was refusing her kind offer I headed into the first day of my two weeks experience…………….


Join me next week for what my two weeks entailed.

  • Friends
  • Work
  • Tears
  • Music
  • Commitment
  • Down and outs

Just some of next weeks words I can think will fit in very well with the next instalment.

I’ll hopefully see you next weekend 1st/2nd September 2012.

I am going to make a concious decision to put a new blog post up every week on either a Saturday or Sunday, that way I can write a little bit each day then publish it, I have realised that it will be better to get into an organised routine now then when I get the job and I have more stories to tell I will have it all set out and ready to go 🙂

To all my readers remember………………………………………………………….


Hey there everyone this is just a quick update for those of you that care what is going on in my tiny life at the moment 🙂

So as the title would suggest I think (fingers, toes, legs and everything else crossed) things are on the up. As previously mentioned in The Job Centre is a joke post I got some help with my CV and I dished it out to some businesses in my local town; week later and I get a call for an interview on the same day. I drop everything and make it to the coffee shop I am to be interviewed in, I’m looking dapper; clean-shaven, smartly dressed, perfect hair and a massive COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEE OOOOOONNNN kinda attitude for success.

The interview lasted all but 20 minutes with the owner going into the kitchen to ask her daughter when a work trial could be organised, lo and behold the woman who now stood before me was once working in a bar that I used to manage, a mere 16-year-old when I last saw her, now a confident chef with a stake in the  successful coffee shop I was applying to work for. She knew my name, I hers and she remembered the time, over 12 years ago that I and the owners of the pub we used to work grabbed up all the lads and lasses one night and took them out on the town, got very drunk, had an awesome time and probably had a good old dance around too.  This memory had stayed with her as she explained to the owner (her mother) what a good time it was, after much laughing about the past I was offered the trail run for the next day, I shook both of their hands, thanked them for their time and started to walk out of the shop; just before I got to the doors I glanced back, red-faced from laughing so much as I saw both women also red-faced giving me a little friendly wave. “This could be what I’ve been looking for” I thought to myself, “This is fantastic!” as I almost skipped up the road home, remembering the night 12 years ago and laughing out loud and to myself, strangers walking past giving me rather confused looks as I failed to contain my feelings of well-being, elation, happiness, ecstasy, excitement, and joy, I was euphoric!

The next day, no sleep, too nervous, too hyped….. “What happens if I burn that, this, set the place on fire!”, Over 3 years of not working for another was not good for rest but I knew what I had to do. Scrub up, look nice and off I went. I arrived and was immediately started on learning the kitchen; within 15 minutes I was prepping, slicing, cooking and learning, I felt so alive, so right in the kitchen again. Slow to start and making sure I made no mistakes I gained more and more confidence and cooked and help cook the entire lunch section with my new boss. Plenty to still learn and realising I would require some knife time again I looked back on the afternoon with great love and respect. I was told that I was hard-working, good with food, didn’t have to be told twice to get things right and I was a quick learner, well at that point and right up until now I have had a massive smile on my face, I had forgotten how good it is to work with food, how great it is to accomplish working in a kitchen and on the basic level I had forgotten how good getting paid for some hard graft is! This might be it, this might be the time I finally get myself out of this rut, forget the Olympics, forget the landing on Mars this will be MY year if I pull this off.

There are two other people to go through and I do hope there is something wrong with both as this job would mean the world to me, lets just hope they burn everything lol.  I will find out about the job this Monday so if my next blog post is just some kind of text shouting with swearwords mixed in that you read and get a sense that I am happy then I got the job.

Also in my personal news – I am now happy to announce that I am paying child maintenance for my son Seth. Why is this such a good thing? you ask well it is another step forward in the ongoing fight to see my son. On October the 3rd my Ex and I with our legal teams will be back in court and on top of doing everything correct and above board, finding a place to live, sorting out debt, (hopefully) having a job I can now add that I pay CSA on time and the correct amount each and every month. The things in my favour now must be close to the top of where I can get them however I will strive to pile it higher until I can physically do no more.

So that was a little snap shot of what is going on with me right now. So I leave you now with the knowledge that I can only see a slit of the screen as I am grinning far too much to use the computer properly (My excuse if there are spelling mistakes lol)

(Please note that before you read this there is slight use of bad language! All pictures are clean but some text is NSFW, Thank you for reading.)

Hey guys and girls just a little post today on something that annoys me a little and not because it really upsets me, or it affects me anymore than making me a little sad, I am talking about the lack of sportsmanship in computer games now! Obviously I am talking about the real-time strategy and first person shooter elements more than other games, although it is abundantly lacking in MMO’s and in recent weeks my iPad apps that you can play with strangers online!

So what am I babbling on about? Well it’s that lack of maturity maybe, or is it the violent nature of the games I play? Or it is simply people so god damn bored with their lives they need to try to make others the same. What ever it is I can’t help but feel that it is getting way out of hand. Now you start an RTS game and you beat the opponent/s and in return on a number of occasion I am called a cheater, hacker, noob, twat, fucker and far far worse which I will not repeat, this behaviour actually culminated in a threat on my life last night whilst playing Command and Conquer 3 Kane’s wrath! My friend Dai and I were playing a 2 vs 2 map, after around 30 mins of intense fighting in the game,  Dai and I started to get the upper hand and it snowballed, from luck, play style and quite a bit of experience and teamwork we won the game, the second person from the other team then tries to disconnect from the server just before we win ( This is pulling out the Ethernet lead/wifi USB etc) which if done has around a 50/50 chance of causing the game to crash and awarding no one with a win or a loose!

Now I ask you, what on earth is that all about? It has got to such a state just on this game that I actually have a list on the iPad of people we don’t play with anymore! That strikes me as a little odd, ow and as for the person that threatened me, well it was disturbing to say the least. “Your address!” he kept saying, “I will find you and I’ll break your neck” he continued, upon giving the person my address he changed to caps lock and demanded “I die!” A request I am not entirely sure he had thought through completely!

Now this sort of behaviour can be laughed at and ridiculed but I am here to play some games, not to be verbally abused! Does one now expect people to head butt them over the dining room table all because the person opposite won’t sell you Mayfair on Monopoly, or punch your sister as she had better letters than you in scrabble? No it’s absurd!

The massive amounts of “camping” is a clear indication of this too, in an MMO a person’s character will sit it out, waiting for you to re-spawn so that they can kill you instantly again, this can go on for hours if you are silly enough not to just leave the game, it’s the same for first person shooters. I have lost count of the number of times the enemy is camped out in your base, the very place you load back into after death to then shoot you in the back of the head. There is no game in this, you have managed to take the game out of the game, a feat that is quiet extraordinary considering everyone evolved is actually playing a game! A game that has cost all concerned on average £40? £40 for a something you don’t actually use as intended, it’s like having a life raft but deciding to drown instead! Makes no sense.

This behaviour is all the worse when playing with a microphone and headset. Now not only does the person write to you with threats against your life, they now verbally spew them into your ears via the wondrous Internet we all know and *cough* love.

Now what happened to just playing for fun? Just playing to pass the time, playing with some degree of sportsmanship and not flying off the handle because your imaginary tank was blown up. This level of sportsmanship can still be seen in certain sports around the globe, but they tend to be very old games steeped in hundreds of years of tradition, the one that comes to mind is Tennis, I don’t think you will ever see the umpire running for his/her life from a mad man with a tennis racket who is shouting how he is going to insert it up the arse of the one who beat him, in “real life ” these kind of things would be dealt with by the police and you would face serious charges!

So I ask you as gamers to not take it too seriously, I understand the “awwwww” the “arrrrrr WTF that’s rubbish” and also the other frustrations that may come from gaming but really, if you’re ever even getting close to feeling like threatening someone’s life then step away from the console, the PC the iPad, anything you’re playing and calm down. Remember that these games are meant to be for recreational purposes and not a step closer to getting a criminal record.

Hey guys and girls I had a little break away from the blog as I had court to get ready for and my computer is now fully Linux so getting to grips with that but both of those things will be covered in other posts soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…………………………..


Marriage eh!?  Techy, geeky be-speckled man like me is talking about marriage? Yea I have been thinking about it and the more I am thinking about it the more I am coming to the conclusion that I don’t think I ever will get married. I came to this conclusion after looking at my life style, my future plans and how all my relationships with a woman to date have ended (Apart from the most recent) in the woman turning bat shit crazy and me legging it away from them like a Usain Bolt of bad relationships.

ImageSo I am thirty one now, rapidly coming on thirty two and it dawned on me that for me to marry someone I would want to be living with them for about 10 years, well at least be going out, then move in, say “Will you marry me?” then get to the point of marriage by about year 10.  That ten year plan leaves me at coming on 42 and that’s if I meet this woman tomorrow!  Now I don’t know about you but I’m not sure at 42+ if I could be bothered to get married, will I have used up my time on this planet to get married? Will I have passed my prime and lost the chance or will I simply be so used to not being attached that the very thought of it will scare me?! I sincerely hope non of the above does happen, it is something playing on my mind, I know I am in no position to do anything at the moment and I know that I would defiantly want to spend many years with a person before I popped the question but at the same time I could not stand to be that person on an over 50’s dating site looking for women, women that are probably just looking for a marriage material type of guy, it is an interesting, although frightening position to be in.

The thing that frightens me the most about this whole thought process of mine is one of, “Will I be alone?” or at least classed as a loner, will I be cast aside from society because I never got married, never even came close? Sure I’ve had plenty of girlfriends but marriage seems to be the norm.Very rarely do you meet with a man or woman that has simply never married, it is far more likely that their partner has passed on or devoiced, even out of the never married group you have a percentage that will have been going to get married when the other passed on, which kinda just leaves that small, almost uncounted percentage like me.

Why do people get married in the first place? Is it through love? or a need or because its good for insurance? My brother got married to his girlfriend because he was a fire-fighter and it made sense, no more or less deserving a reason to do it than “Because you love her/him” I guess but then that comment will no doubt be strongly argued against by people that feel completely different about this ancient ritual that we have.  So what is it that brings two people together to spend the rest of their lives together? I am not sure I get it at all, not sure I truly understand what it is to make that commitment and I am not entirely sure I ever will.

However maybe this ritual of marriage is something that is slowly dying out or is at least something more and more couples do out of financial gain or stability, maybe I am becoming the norm, maybe, just maybe I am the hipster of non marriage?!

Soon my son I will be seeing you, soon I will be hugging you, soon you will know true love again.

So this one is about me, about feelings and about a joyful occasion that hopefully will come true soon. If you are not interested in my life then please stop reading now, no offence meant but it will not interest you at all. Why waste your time 😀

SO it’s crunch time for me, in 19 days time I will have a court case to go to, starting the counter case against my former “other half” and hopefully securing me the chance to see my son. Born on the second of September 2009 at nine minutes past three in the morning at the weight of 7lb 11 and a half, in our rented house, little Seth was passed to me for the very first time, hands, arms and come to think of it even body shaking I held my son for the very first time, careful to the max I did not hurt him in anyway (Although sure now that touching a land mine as lightly would not set it off) I turnned to my then partner and said “So what do we do with him now?”

For a child I assured myself I was as prepared as a solider going to war, well fuck that! I have been to war and I can tell you now that seeing your son being born is the single most terrifying yet uplifting and amazing thing that will ever happen to a person. Able to shoot a bullet from a rifle to kill another human without hesitation in years gone past I was near paralysed when asked to cut the umbilical cord of a living, breathing, little, beautiful, radiant and innocent life which I helped to create, I simply could not do it, I was shaking far too much.

Now comes the tragic part, not tragic for me I might add as I am a adult human, with all my life of rights and wrongs taught to me or learnt by mistakes or lessons from others. No not my misfortune, but rather that of my son. A son now living without a father, not living with a father because of a woman, a woman now so evil in my eyes that I wonder how such a creature gave birth to a gorgeous, righteous and innocent human such as my son will baffle me for years to come. So after 15 months of fighting, £4,000 of debt added and lots of miserable, lonely and crying nights alone I am finally on the home straight, well at least I hope I am.

Now it is not easy for me I might add but what is the most important is that it is not easy on the child, no matter what parent is missing that child is missing out, that is something I have learnt I cannot tolerate and I actually despise. I hope that parents will one day understand that it’s fuck all to live in a hole, be in debt and live penny less as long as your child is ok, to me the only thing that matters!

Money can be paid back, houses can be rented or bought, misery can be turned into happiness but the love of a parent while growing up……… that can never be replaced!

This is to all the men and women trying to see their son or daughter, don’t give up, keep trying and always think of your child and not yourself x x