Posts Tagged ‘loss’

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Hey guys and girls, a slight rant or waffle if you will.

I start my days waking up and eating breakfast, showering and brushing my teeth, grooming and putting on products to make me smell nice, get dressed and then that is where your day and mine split. You go to work, I sit at home and switch on the computer. I load up the 15 or so sites for job hunting and I think of new and interesting ways to fill in application forms.

This is my second month of doing this now and I can honestly say that I have come very close to being homeless as I have accidentally spent more money on travel that I was meant to, that is if I have any money in the first place for travel. “Ummm the job center pay for travel you dickhead!” – Thank you random person that will no doubt not read my whole post but comment anyway. Yes they will pay for it, unless you cannot provide proof, or they don’t feel like it or they are having a bad day or they don’t remember to put it through the damn system. To put this into context I have the following make up this month;

£30 over draft, £25 phone bill, £323 rent.

Incoming is £134 twice in a month and £158 once.

dolestreet_1713190cSo take away that from that and you get £49. I have also rounded things up to make it easier. Now £49 for a month of food, toiletries, travel, any new items I should require, for instance new shoes for interviews, shirts, ties, you get the idea. In a world where a loaf of bread can be over £1 to buy I find myself on a diet primarily made up of pasta and something tinned, a diet that makes my body feel lack luster and dull. A body need fresh fruit and veg to function at it’s highest and it is RIGHT NOW I need to be on my “A” game. I’m all up for reducing money from not working, think it’s a good idea but they need to balance it a little. The money situation is now hindering me finding work, which in turn will probably mean I have to sponge off the state for longer, so the reduction in out of work income, in my instance, is useless as I will be taking from the state about as much as I would have been before the changes but now just over a longer time.

There are 100 jobs and 1000 people for each one looking down this way at the moment. Not so much Cardiff but Newport and Bridgend are both doing badly and they are either side of Cardiff and the competition is eminence. Cardiff is become saturated as is Bristol. I am having to look further a field to find work, which is fine, however when you consider that the closest city to me is Cardiff and is around a 8-15 mins train ride away and costs around £6 to get to and back from every single time I want to go there, it kinda makes a longer trip to a further away location either impossible or a toss up between food buying and an interview.

Ok. I get that “As of Q1 2013 UK government debt amounted to £1,377 billion, or 88.1% of total GDP” and that is bad. But you can’t make money, or in this instance get people back to work by simply making people poor. It makes it harder.Nillionaire someone having little to no money

Plus they made the changes for money in one go. so instead of gradually doing it over a year or 6 months so people flowed into work, they said HEY, 3 million people you won’t have enough money to live on unless you find work from……..

NOW GO GO GO. What the fuck did they expect?

My final ranty bit has to do with an E-mail I got yesterday from Mc Donalds. It was an email saying that I was unsuccessful in my attempt to work at one of their stores. I have a feeling it is to do with my age as the application form is not particularly taxing, with multi-choice answers for questions being presented, most of which are something along the lines of;

If an employee said something that offended you, would you, A) Beat the shit out of them. B) Put their face in the fry station or C) try and talk to them or your manager and see if something can be sorted out.

I feel that being in my 30’s now and looking for any type of job does have it’s downsides. I have traveled the world with the British Armed Forces, I’ve been back packing across Europe I’ve lived in Paris, I’ve been called all the names under the sun and I have made my mistakes. So as an employer you can expect someone of my age and up to call bullshit out. If something is wrong we will bring it up, bring it up in a polite and proper way, be that going to the manager to tell them of a leak or asking someone not to repeat something again as it is not appropriate for work etc etc. There lies the problem, they don’t want that, managers don’t want more work, they would rather employ an 18 year old who knows nothing of their rights, nothing of what is really right and wrong and will simply walk away if fired for no reason. I and many others of my “age bracket” and above simply could not and would not tolerate that.

6-things-to-consider-when-you-have-to-cut-back120412_0So to sumerise I feel that I am being put into a tared group of people that does not want to work, I want to work and I actively do everything in my power to do so, but in reality I have to pick and choose which interviews I go to some days, or ring them up and try and change the date and time to a day I am already in that city, mostly this results in me no longer being offered the interview as I am already kicking up a fuss about something that should be easy to do, a view that is sensible and reasonable but yet is something that is sometimes out of my reach to accomplish. Why employ someone when they can’t even travel 15 mins down the road on a given day? Will that person even be able to make it to work for the first month of employment? How reliable is this person if he/she cannot even commit to a simple interview without wanting to change the date and/or time.

I fully expect to not have that bottle of wine in the fridge, to eat cheaper food and to commit my days to filling in forms but when the current infrastructure put in place by the government hinders that, I can only see a prolonged usage of benefits. This money could well be spent on other things in our country, if not in employment or growth but in education, the NHS, maybe even employing someone with the balls to tell the US, “You know what? we are not joining you in this war, costs too much for no return”.

Anyway rant over of a very annoyed and increasingly stressed Phil.

 

1347326484043_2349781Welcome to my little ranty world. Today’s subject is a little education for when you have been let down by a company or feel you are entitled to more, or are simply being an asshole for no reason and think it is ok to take it out on a companies staff…….

Well are you wrong!

Now I have been and still am working in inside a call centre, taking calls for a multi national company that in the UK produces and supplies energy and covers peoples boilers, plumbing and drains, electrical wiring, central heating systems and also emergency service cover as standard.

9781137293251_largeNow it does not matter what industry you work in, you will not get any bloody where by being a complete twat!  You know why you’re so angry all the time? Why you feel so disappointed by company after company and why no one seems to understand your poor little life? I’ll tell you why…. because you piss off every last person you talk to in business, from the poor little waitress that you shout at because there is no spoon for your coffee, to the flight attendant you ridicule because they forgot your pillow.  Your reactions, your attitude is the reason they forgot to give you the service others get, your stinking, shitty attitude is the reason why you won’t get the compensation you are so sure you’re  owed! Your attitude is why the customer service agent does not seem to give a shit about you, your reactions and your actions are the reason why we simply don’t care as much about you as the polite people.  It’s rather simple, so why can you not grasp such a simple concept?

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Oh, and get me the boss, WHY? Is the boss going to bring his master computer over and make your life a better place? Has he/she instructed me to tell you lies until you pass all my well hidden tests and then you’re allowed to the special slots now made available by the bosses computer.  It’s a gold laptop that links directly with god to deliver you with the best service possible, oh, yes the boss can call upon the the Fucking Avengers and bring you the service you require right this minute rather than the tomorrow appointment I have already given you!

BOSSES KNOW LESS ABOUT THE SYSTEMS THAN THE AGENT DOES! Trust me ALL the boss is there to do is bug the agent about ACW (After call work) time, sort out problems with pay, book our holiday and tell us the sales targets went up another 2%. THAT’S IT.

“I know the CEO of [for arguments sake] Sony, see what he/she has to say”

Oh really mister customer, REALLY?!  So your download is not working and you will pick up the phone to the CEO, a person probably over the other side of the world, possibly speaking to world leaders, possibly in a meeting to secure a multi billion pound deal with several countries, and THEY ARE GOING TO STEP OUT TO MAKE SURE YOUR PESKY LITTLE PROBLEM IS SORTED? Good luck with that.  How can you be that thick? How has your life continued to be with a mind so dull?

Don’t even get me started on you morons that state you’re going to the press…. please, be my guest. Oh before you do, that welcome pack with all the T&C in, the one you ASSURED us you had read by agreeing to {insert product here}, yeah, perhaps you want to read it!  You know that there are editors for a reason, right?! You honestly think we are that thick that throwing out a newspapers name or dropping in that you work for the BBC is anyway shape or form going to help you when I have already told you 4 different ways that the next appointment is MONDAY!

“It’s retired Major Jenkins actually”

i_have_a_phd_in_horribleness_-_dr_horrible_vinyl_decal_9ecd4a17Fuck off! Your name is Mr Jenkins, you’re retired now, you hold the rank of ‘Get in line and wait with the rest of the population’.  That also goes for you DR Whatever s out there……… Why the hell would you think I would give a flying that you’re a doctor. Plus you know I have no idea of what you’re actually a doctor of, right? This show of bullshit only reinforces the belief that you’re a complete cock.

Plus if you really want to piss ME off why not just lie, what not tell me THAT YOUR CHILD IS AT RISK only for me to check up the next day and find the engineer got there, found NO CHILD, NO ELDERLY, NO ONE VULNERABLE at all, told you that you were scum (wishful thinking), turned off the water supply/gas supply to make it safe then left you in the shitty position that you deserve while they went off to an actual emergency down the road with a real 2 day old kid without heating, you rotten, scummy, worthless human beings!

The people I speak of above just a few in the vast majority of people that are polite, reasonable and kind, and for that I am hugely grateful. Always remember that the services person, man, woman transsexual, gay, straight, black, white, purple with yellow dots, they are all humans, they are all trying their best.  Now if you are the angry type let it be known that all of us polite folk have a far better life, we are generally treated as we treat others, so please continue to wail, to moan, to frail your arms in the air and shout, so that all can hear, please continue your shitty ways and enjoy your food with spit in, enjoy your pillow that been wiped on a dogs arse, enjoy your second class experiences and enjoy missing out on all the extras the polite, decent and happy people enjoy. By simply rising an issue in a calm, polite manner you will always get a better response.be-nice-300x187

So here we are again, another week over and another blog post being written and now read 🙂  Such a strange thing time, it is always the same, always constant however can seem to move at drastically different speeds, for instance the week leading up to me starting my new job seemed longer than the TWO weeks I have just completed by a mile. How the mind plays tricks on you.

So work, training for two weeks, what a roller-coaster of fun fuelled learning and fun, we have been 19 strong and have gel as a team wonderfully. Everyone of us seems to be energised by the next and our banter, well it bounces around all of us until there is not one dry eye in the room, amazingly good, fun, intelligent and genuine people who I am very happy to say I consider my friends 🙂  Games that include 10 push-ups for saying the word M.I.N.E, a triangle of death that gets put over drinks that then have to be downed and a few other games have thrived within our community and I have thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of our training.

Now unfortunately I cannot go into too much detail about my jobs ins and outs as I do deal with hundreds of personal details of people from around the country every single day, hence I cannot say what systems we use, how it works, what security there is etc etc so apart from being vague I can tell you that if you ring up to purchase something from Littlewoods, Isme, Very or K&Co you now have the chance to talk to me 🙂 Also my job title is Personal Shopper, hehehe love it when companies beef up your title to make it sound far more important and high up 🙂

Anyway how am I feeling about this new fork in my life? Well for one thing I know how I feel about people asking themselves questions and then answering them, bloody hate it and can’t believe I just did it! Idiot Phill!  So no, I digress, I feel nervous as one might expect but also so looking forward to the change. I am not sure anyone here will know what it is like to be a prisoner in your own life, to be constantly reminded that you are accomplishing nothing in your life everyday, every time you open the fridge and there is no food, every time you read on FB or Twitter how that dinner out last Thursday that you were not invited to was awesome, how great that film was, while you sit in an empty house literally talking to yourself, laughing at your own jokes and telling yourself off whenever you feel a little down, well that is slowly coming to an end. In six days time I get my first pay check and admittedly I have a lot of debt and backed up bills to cover from it but I will have a cash flow, a chance to socialise a chance to live again amongst the people of this world, a chance to finally start a fresh.

This feeling of liberation is so overwhelming that I find myself taking a step back and pinching myself to make sure I am not having a horribly twisted and cruel dream. To most a pop down to the local restaurant or cinema is nothing, something you do on a whim, not I, for the last 19 months I have been NO WHERE at all and so from that I hope you can glean just a slight glimpse of how important this new job and this new life is to me. I run at this job with open arms, a smile on my face and beside me are these fantastic new friends I have made along my journey.   Thanks go out to everyone that didn’t give up, everyone that is still around me to this day Cheers guys couldn’t do it without ya all 🙂

As a side note thank you to my good friend Franki who helped out with a little money so I can continue to eat this week until payday 🙂 Comes to something when a relationship from the past comes and lends the helping hand to plug the gap the job centre leaves in its wake of  bureaucratic red tape bullshit!

So this is going to fairly quick and straight to the point as a lot has happened to me in the last week;  however all of it (apart from last nights massive piss up) has been within my new work and lets face it, unless you’re with me, there in work, you ain’t going to give much of a shit about the ins and outs of it lol.  It will just come across as boring twaddle. 🙂

So working for a company called Serco, a massive company spanning many world-wide locations and providing service for everything from the Large Hadron collider at CERN, the UK’s Interdependent Nuclear deterrent right through to looking after the parking meters in Chicago Illinois.  So where do I fit in? Well you know when you ring up for Littlewoods, Isme, Very or K&co to place an order, well you now have a chance to get through to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 🙂  Only inbound calls as I have a soul and cannot face doing cold calling ever again in my life!

So two weeks of training before I am let out to ravage the world of customer service and ordering, and I have to say that I have LOVED every minute of it.  The people in our group are all good-natured, great fun, mature when they need to be and all incredibly hard-working with a pinch of bat shit crazy in them all. It’s great I can feel myself around these people and I am considering them my friends as of now really. Just a great bunch of guys and girls that really do make you feel at home 🙂 On top of the great group I find myself in I also feel alive again, gone are the days of dullness, of sitting at home wondering where the next meal was to come from, gone is the worry, gone is the feeling of being completely useless, a rag-tag tramp of a man scraping through life in a gutter, no no no, ALL feelings washed away, I feel great, feel like I am part of something and have a passion to become better; a fire has defiantly been lit under my ass, propelling me skywards into the upper echelons of  greatness.  Now it has to be said that at the heart of all of these new and exciting feelings flooding my body, mind and soul at the moment is the training staff we have.  They simply make me smile when I walk in and see them, an awesome amount of respect goes of to our trainers but also a massive amount of fun is had with them too. Simply magnificent and I love the trainers and my group to bits.

And in other news….

So two bits of news away from working is the somewhat devastating fact that I have lost the court battle to see my son. Sadly my own father (Now know as “Who the fuck are you, piss off”) testified against me and this has given the social services the ammunition they needed to tip the whole thing in their favour. I had this news the Friday before I started at Serco so I have not really had time to properly think through this,  maybe I am just hiding from it a little as it has totally destroyed my hopes and brought my worst fears right up in front of me as far as this situation goes. I have been given permission to send him 3 letters a year, Christmas, Easter and his Birthday, 3 letters for a child I looked after for the best part of 2 years. All I can do is work my ass off, pay of this court debt of 4k and save for the next try. 3rd of October is when I and my legal team will retract our wish for my right to see Seth officially.

That shitty news brings me to my last point (a little more smiles in this one)

I have started another blog up at http://foryouseth.wordpress.com/ for my Son Seth. This will be updated on a semi regular time frame. I have had no time what so ever to come to terms with me not seeing my son until he is in his teens but I have had today to know that I need to preserve something for when that day comes. After 13 years of not knowing me I need something for him, something he can read about me and my life just in case he does not want to talk to me in person and I think that will be a great idea.  You’re all more than welcome to read it although it is only really aimed at a person years down the line from now.

Anyway just so you lot don’t end up sad reading this I have added this picture. Any time you feel down, just remember things can always be worse…..

 

Hello one and all to another instalment of my blog. Today I bring you a little closer to the absurd way the unemployed are treated in this country and how little seems to have been done to solve the problems of this country.

I am unemployed and have been since March 2011. Now I have had to wait over a year and a half to be put on a course to help me find a job! I am willing to work, actively look for work and am now in a situation where I simply must work or I will physically wither and die. I have one major problem however, I don’t pass a police check or a credit check and it seems to be the norm for employers to do these days. I presume that employers have so many job applications that looking through every single CV is simply something they don’t have time, or inclination to do, what better way then to do a quick check on anyone that passes the ‘CV in bin process’ than a quick efficient police check.

So getting back to the problems in the system as I see them, I have had no help to deal with this, no one seems to be able to give me a sensible answer, and in some cases unable to give an answer at all, simply avoiding the situation completely or simply ignoring my pleas for assistance, for help. No courses have been offered to me, no help with a CV from a professional, no advice from anyone in the know yet I spend hours of my life in the job centre in signing on meetings and reviews where nothing is done to help. People sitting behind a desk asking you if you have applied for jobs and telling you to send in a CV don’t help that much!

As a matter of fact I have been doing a little experiment of my own with the job centre to find out how much they actually look into an Individual case. I first started by sending in a word document which contained only the words, “This is not my CV, this is to prove you don’t even look at these at all” .The point was made two weeks later when they asked if I had sent in my CV to which I replied “Yes”, the lady then proceeded to look up my file, look at the document file named {NI Number} Phill’s CV and then thank me for being so prompt in sending it in! Later the same day I sent in my proper CV and asked them to delete my previous one, its true purpose still a mystery to them!

Another case of how much it really does not seem to matter what you do with regards to signing on and job searching is the daily log book that you’re obliged to fill in. The sections are titled, What I did, date, What Happened, What I will do Next, Date. Now on every third “What Will I do Next” section of this book I wrote a section of a story, so for example part one would be, “Went to the park”, three down from that, “Found a tree and build a swing” so on and so forth, this was met with no reaction from the staff, so I though that maybe it was not bold enough or simply lost in the wall of text that the book changes into. I then decided to make the writing silly and childish to see if they were actually reading it, “Blow up”, “Kick a baby”, “Prey to the god of money” and “Burst into flames” were just some of the comments I put down, alas not one was read, not one was commented on and in many cases signatures of the job centre workers can be seen next to such comments proving that they neither read nor care about reading this book, the very book that has been put into place to ensure you’re looking for work! The whole system is pathetic?

Now rather than just moan about this and leave it as that, I would like to suggest things for change, simple things that would not cost the tax payer anymore than is spent now but would at least ensure that more people were helped back to work more than they are now.

1) The first time you go to sign on you have to have a CV, either written on paper or on a USB stick. the CV would be legally required before you could receive money. This would help weed out those who simply go along for the ride.

2) Now as mentioned above you have to have a meeting before you can sign on, this usually lasts upwards of an hour. Now why not use this hour to take said CV’s with a person in the know and go through it with them, sort out the errors, correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, placement and more. I have only just got this help today and my CV needed some serious tweaks, something that could of been sorted out 1.5 years ago!

3) Action plans for people. These action plans would be linked into your Job centre claim, so for instance you would be given two weeks to change your CV as directed by the professional. If you make no attempt to do it you loose money from your benefit. Continue this action plan for things that can be proved easily by a person on benefit and not just made up in a book that is not read

4) Get us lot out to work. While people like me are on Job seekers Allowance have us cleaning up parks of rubbish, going around with lawn mowers, helping in a charity shops, washing windows of council owned property, the list goes on and on, just something! We would not be taking the jobs of others away, we would be filling the gap where more people are needed for these things but councils lack the funds to hire more people. Work for your benefit. Everyone has to do say 2 days a week, again if they make no effort at all they are docked money.

These are just a few ideas going on in my head, simple, easy to apply steps that could potentially save this country millions each year, get people on benefits contributing back into the community, get them out of the house and doing something, it will weed out the looking from the cant be arsed in weeks! If you’re abled bodied and looking for work then you should be on the course. Reports could be written on behaviour and reliability etc from the courses which could then help with job finding as well.

Anyway it is getting a little loud in this pub, I’ve finished my coffee and sadly it is now filling up, sadly it is filling with unemployed people that have seemingly milked the system so much all they have left to do with their day is drink it away!

This is Phill, using his last pound to buy a coffee signing off………..

I think the last time I truly loved a game console was back in the days of the PS2, it was small, up to date, beautifully made and just right for what I wanted. I remember being able to buy it after a month of pushing trollies around a Tesco car park, my dad came to pick me up and with mostly all of my pay I rushed into the electrical store, literally grabbed an employees shirt and tugged on it until he got the idea and followed me, standing in front of a shelf I pointed up at the box, a box that seemed to glow like the sun, “That one” I said through slightly shaking lips “I would like one of those please” the excitement growing ever so much inside me as the man bought the console to the till, beep! Went the till as I almost wet myself with at anticipation, the time had almost come, the time I would become the proud owner of a Playstation 2!

The feelings of longing and love for such machines has sadly ebbed away from my life however, it is now being replaced with sighs, groans and lack of interest. Sure the old games were a bit buggy, sure they didn’t look as good as they do now and sure they (for the most part) didn’t go on the Internet or play the next generation of disks, it did what it was meant to do, entertain me!

Now I know what some of you may be thinking, that I am simply getting to old, that I only like the old, now retro games and that I am simply “growing out” of gaming, well don’t be so quick to judge! I am hugely excited about many games, including Borderlands 2 and Command and Conquer Generals 2 to name but a few, I love to game and my passion for gaming has not changed one bit over the years, what has changed is the lack of good choice in gaming. Not me that has changed for the worst, it’s the games industry and especially on consoles.

Let’s take some recent additions to the console market, for instance GoW3 was number one redone again, I found it boring and slow and to quote a friend while playing the first level “Ok so this is a huge monster, where do they go from this?”. He was right, it went nowhere, and nowhere slow, it didn’t hold any sparkle, any love any special qualities for me, like older games used to. BF3 was ok, pathetic single player as all BFs do and the multiplayer, well it looked nice, however never play the PC version then try to go back to the console version as it is day and night in difference, there was FF13 and Fable3 both of which  had previous versions of itself that engaged you in the lives of the games inhabitants but now I now found to be linear bore fests of utter CBA game production, these are just some titles that have pushed me away from this gen of consoles, the other main reason of course is fad, gimmicky bullshit like the PS Move and the Kinect! Really Sony and MS, I know the film industry for the most part has run out of ideas so has turned to 3D but you have no excuse, you can literally create any damn thing you like in a virtual world.

I believe, and I believe in this quiet strongly that gamers expect and put up with less now, yea OK it looks nicer, yea OK it has the HD capabilities but then there is a darn good reason why games like Minecraft and bundles like The Humble Indie Bundle with games such as Super Meat Boy and Amnesia are doing so well, it’s because people want MORE. Throwing all the graphics in the world at people is not going to help a game let down by slow-paced action and/or a lack or story. Now take Thomas was alone for instance, basic graphics, a good basic sound track and not that long, but boy does it draw you into the story of a little square and all his “friends” on an adventure to become more than they are , to strive to greatness, to break free!.  That is what I want, something engaging, something new, something to pour out at me like a well written book being read by Patrick Stewart, not dribble on my shoes like Noddy goes fishing narrated by Droppy the elevator dog!

Now lets not forget that consoles were born out of the ease of use that PC’s of the time didn’t have. With PC’s of old it was a bugger to get things to work, crashes and addons/patches would take some time to download once the internet had arrived, but look at the consoles now, they have lost their ease of use, have lost their edge to PC’s. You substituted graphics and bigger gaming experiences on the PC with a “pay n play” type approach on a console, yea it was a little more expensive but that was OK, now however every single game I have on the 360 is “installed” on the hard drive  and since games companies seem incapable of releasing a game these days without bugs you have to get it patched!  25 mins I waited for a BF3 patch when it first come out, 25 mins I could have spent doing on a PC and at the end have a cheaper game, better graphics and double the on-line people to play with! This is not all the consoles have done to push me steadily away, ow no, it’s that attitude of one on-line pass per player. So OK EA if I buy BF3 then play it, sell the game I am no longer on-line with it, a new person picks up the game second-hand and has to pay AGAIN for the right to go on-line with the very same game? How does that make sense? There was one person using the on-line functionality, which was me, then I sold it so the count went to zero then another person picks it up and the count goes to one.  That does not cost you one penny more to facilitate as there are never more people playing the game when buying second-hand. Just money grabbing at this point. Also the policy of having to pay to go on-line, less of a problem with the PS3 however still a problem to pay anything to go on-line as I pay a phone line bill which enables me to get an internet bill which then enables me to get another bill each year for me to play on-line, that is after the bill for the console itself, the extra controllers, plus the game as well? You think the world is made of money. The money grabbing does not end there, then if you want a DLC it is bought with points on the Xbox360, points which are very carefully manipulated so you never have enough to buy anything of substance, you always have to buy more and of course they are so carefully watched that you’ll always have to pay for more than you need to get the DLC  you require, leaving you with a few hundred points left over so that the weak and foolish will think that they are “so close” to getting something next time with the points they have spare.

I truly hope that the next-gen of consoles realise that there is an ever growing number of people who are finding there is a world of options opening up to us now, from Steam on Linux, OnLive doing deals with Google TV and also the vast amount of interest in Indie games that are cheaper, easier and quicker to obtain than the current mess that is the console industry, it is high time that console manufactures come to terms with the facts that they will either adapt or die.

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So this is an update all about me I guess, however it is kinda a post about and too all those other people around the world that might be finding themselves in a similar position and just can’t see the way out.

So I am currently unemployed and am having no luck in finding work, now I have taken the financial burden from a break up with my sons mother last year completely on my own, add that to the court costs of trying to now get access to see my son and we are sat at around minus £4,000, a debt which I cannot handle, cannot pay and which is giving me such a bad credit rating that I can neither get a loan or pass a credit check to get a job. Now add that on top of a criminal conviction so I don t pass a CRB (Police check) and it makes trying to find a job near impossible.

Now please let me make this perfectly clear that I am not expecting any hugs and awwww poor you from this, I doubt a fairy godmother will fly into my room and wave the magic wand to sort this mess I call a life out and I am not pleading with you for sympathy or apathy, I am basically just venting, just telling a story and also writing is an escape from the world for a few hours, which in my current circumstances is a welcome relief.

So I have been looking at making money some other ways, now I have sold off everything nice I had over a year ago to fund this court case, now unfortunately I have run out of things to sell and the state is now giving me legal aid to continue the fight to see my son, not that I will amount to much of a father figure if I cannot get out of this rut I am in and find some work. I doubt very much that my sons mother will approve of him seeing a father who lives in a tent washing himself in a river every day but slowly the debt is winning this war and it’s heading that way. So this prospect is not one that I find appealing one bit. To combat this from happening I am obviously looking for jobs, last week I applied for 32 jobs, 23 of which where advertised, 9 of which speculative, I spend on average 6 hours at my desk a day looming through the Internet looking for jobs and a further 1-2 hours a day in a chosen town or city with CV’s around 2 times a week, this has got me plenty of interviews but has all resulted in me being no closer to a job!

Now I don’t get the job because of the aforementioned credit check and CRB check failures and most likely because there are a 1000 other people going for the same job at any given time, so what now? I do everything I am meant to, I go to all the job centre 10 mins early every fortnight, I engage them in a polite and professional manner, I ask then attend every and any little course they can throw at me, i adjust my CV, i write better letters, I practise interview techniques, I do full and detailed searches into the company I am applying for and I take any and all advise of bettering myself but I still find myself in the same situation!

Now I need a new idea as things are getting silly, I mean last month I had to 2 weeks of a day on food and a day off food so that I had enough food to last me the month. The only good thing about that is loosing a little weight, but I feel more ill as the months roll on and I presume that is due to a bad diet, my attention levels have also taken a hit as have my levels of drive, I can honestly see now how the weak and disenfranchised succumb to the urges of simply giving up, simply not bothering to get out of bed, not bothering to fight anymore, I know why they do it and I fully understand now how it can happen. I have not got to that level just yet but then is there a breaking point, a point at which you don’t care, a point at which you just accept your shitty no life existence as the best you’re going to get and stagnate! That thought terrifies me to the very core, the same terrified feelings however let me know I am still alive, still have some fight left, and for the very least they facilitate a gauge of humanity for me.

So the slippery slope has me, but where next? I need some ideas, ideas that can be achieved on little to no money, and when I mean little I mean £30 maximum a month! A sum of money most in the western world could and do spend on a fast food outing! The bottom line is to find a job, I just hope I can get to one, convince an employer to take a chance on me and start to work my way out of this hole before there is not a ladder long enough to reach me.

No pictures for this as pictures of homeless people, real homeless people being publicised for the benefit of my tale is degrading to say the least. As a side note honestly if there is anything, a suggestion, a link, a friend of a friend that could possibly find work please put in the comments box below. Thanks for reading 🙂