Archive for September, 2015

lies 2Hey ho everyone, so not been around since I have not really had anything to write about or actually more to the point, I have had ideas but at 3am then forget about them in the morning. So here is my thoughts on jobs I’ve had.

Sat here this morning with a coffee and 3 weetabix, I’m a big boy now. I am jigging around my CV and re-uploading it to all the job sites, as I am re-witting my CV and remembering all the jobs I have had from the CV and those jobs that are not on the CV’s, you know the ones, the ones you walk in on day two and go, “Fuck no” I came to realise that every single last job I have had, no matter how long it has lasted has basically involved lying to people on a daily basis!  I scanned through my brain again, selecting every job I can remember and wrote them down, this is what I came up with.

lies1Blue chip gas company – Would take phone calls from people that had a faulty boiler and book them a repair. Would regularly have to lie to say that the engineer was on his way, NO idea if he was or was not. Many of them didn’t answer their phones and although many people are told they a traceable, lies again. Which then leads me on to the times when you do get hold of the engineer and for whatever reason he/she is not going to that address, do you tell the customer the truth, HELL NO, saying that you physically don’t know why it’s not gone through the system when it shows it has is apparently the last thing you should do, best to keep it as complicated as possible so the customer has little to no chance of keeping up with your utter made up, on the spot bullshit.

Shop assistant – You know there are no size 15 shoes as you don’t stock them but because you don’t like the way the customer asked, the way they look or just want a sneaky chat out back, you go and have a “look” anyway. Also the good old, “There should be a delivery of those tomorrow”, LIES. The overall manager of the store does not know what items will be in stock and when, the big trucks arrive several times a day and get put into storage, to be honest customer, it could have just arrived and be hidden behind 20 other pallets of stuff (I have no way to check other than to pull them all out, not happening) or it might never come back in, I sure as hell don’t know but I’ll smile and say, “Try back tomorrow”, basically you’ll pick a day you’re not working that week.

Working with food – For a start not saying “This is a place that sells dead animals in buns around the world but you still ask for the vegetarian option, are you seriously in need of help?” is probably something I should not say so I lied and said that there might be other options in the future. Maybe let that one slide.
lies 3Customer asks if the item has an ingredient in it, do you check, well yes as there are nutrition and ingredient sheets that you can refer to, right? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa nope. Just cause the law says there has to be and that they should be easily accessible to the customer you’ll be hard pressed to find one, so lies again. “No it does not contain xyz” you’re pretty sure and anyway if the guy dies your boss told you to say it, COOOOVVVEEERRD.

This goes on and on and on from everything I have done. Are we so afraid that simply saying, “I don’t know” is somehow bad. You don’t know, you’ll never know, in many cases there is no need or way for you or anyone else that you can contact to know the answer for the customer, so say that. Lies have become just part of everyday life, they are in every customer to business phone call you ever make they are at the restaurant when you ask, “I know it says these sides are not changeable but can I change them and still stay in the deal?”  NO, the answer is NO! Why walk past the other table of people waiting and pretend to ask the chef then come back with, “I’m sorry the CHEF said no can do!!!” Stop wasting my time.

lies4I understand computers do everything now and I understand that I’ll order something and the person I talked to did everything fine but the computer just decided that my order was the one order that it was not going to process properly, so just say, “It’s not going to be with you today, Phill, would you like me to re-order it?”  Offer me my delivery charge back and put it special delivery or offer to send it to a works address etc, DO NOT look at the screen in silence where it has a huge “Not a chance in hell today chap”,  written across the screen and say, “The computer says it’s out for delivery” and waste my sodding day.

We now live in a world that reads and clicks on such bullshit as, “You’ll never guess what happened to these 25 people when they met a ghost” and that still inexplicably read newspapers and take what they write as truth, even though it has been proven time and time again that news agencies get the truth printed about as many times as the weatherman gets it correct, and where every person seems so concerned about saying NO or saying “It’s not coming, we don’t have it, I don’t know” it drives me crazy. Some call it giving people hope, softening the blow. WHY? If your new TV that you’ve been waiting in for is not going to come today tell them, if they cancel the order because of that then so be it, it’s a consumers rights, and not your problem. Part of you company fucked up, admit it, maybe consumers would trust in corporations if their staff where not actively told to lie to customers on a daily basis which from my experience you are told to do every day.

Rant over guys.

See you next time 🙂