Ok, so I need help. I admit it.

Posted: 27/06/2015 in Uncategorized

helpI have come to the conclusion that I am not doing great. I live in a town which likes to call itself a city, it’s what I imaging Gotham City would be like if real, but on a smaller scale. It’s streets are strewn with rubbish, the drug dealers deal out of houses day and night right around the corner from a Police station. Most of the people that live here seem to be connected with the drugs, selling or buying however as always there are always those that brighten the place up, good people that also don’t deserve to be in a place like this and as much as this sound snobbish, I don’t don’t deserve this either.

So now comes on to the real problem. I’am a shadow of my former self, I am isolated, desperate and realising that I am actually damned if I am going to let this go on any more, now the problem with this is that I have nothing, I strive to live and that’s it. No frills living is no life at all. I eat the same meal almost every day, I see only these four walls and my computer with rejection after rejection emails from jobs saying, thanks but no thanks, I mean, you don’t even have a phone! A sad fact that I don’t, I am in such a rut that it’s now impossible for me to make any headway and that is where I have finally realised that I need help, help before a doctor sees me and puts me on some medication to “make me feel better” which I have already said no to. I don’t do tablets and I down right refuse to take tablets for something caused by my current living situation, from the non stop cars pulling up for next doors deals on small plastic bags filled with god knows what, to the shouting of the drudged and drunk idiots that adorn my street from 11am until 5am, believe me, I know, I’m usually awake, or have been woken up every 30 mins or so, every night, almost every day for what seems like a lifetime.

So I tried to do something about it, I got the job, I paid off all but one credit card, I worked hard I……………. didn’t get selected to become a full time member of the team as the job was temp, so I hustled down and got another job, hated it even more, call centre work, basically working for the devil, soul destroying as it is and when that ended I did it again, however I never managed to make the temp jobs work for me as I was always on the back foot, always had something else to pay for and when I had almost climbed that mountain, when I could see the potential to put a plan into place to move out of these four walls and back home, back to where I know people care for me, back to where I can get back on my feet, get a decent nights sleep, eat more than one meal a day and feel happy again it all came crumbling down and I woudl start again, and again, and again and each time it would be for less hours, or for a shorter time and each time I lost a little more ground. Then the tablet was sold, the TV, the phone the holes appeared in my shoes and I still wear them, I have no choice, I eat and pay rent or I get new shoes.

So the cycle continues and I can’t do it any more, I have nothing left to give either metaphorically or in actual assets to sell. I stand here at the precipice looking up, but there is no end, there is no top, even if I could scale this rock face all over again, where would it get me? So I have to do more drastic measures so I set up a plea for help, embarrassingly putting me into a position of begging others to help me out financially. I have used GoFundMe.com to set up a plea to everyone and anyone to help me get the spring board I need to get out of this situation. I don’t expect this to be easy and moving back home will not fix all of the problems but that’s where my support structure is, where I can get help and where I belong.

If you would like to help out or would simply be kind as to share this link: http://www.gofundme.com/xx7yrr8g it would be massively appreciated. Now I set the limit high so……….actually not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad one. I have never done this before.

Thank for reading this, well plea for help more than anything. Thanks for reading.


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